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    His comic timing about the divorce bit is so bad that he tries to tell a “funny” story about his annulment at a law firm, and they all just stare.

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    His wife jokes are so repetitive that his new wife tells him if he mentions Anne Boleyn one more time, she’ll leave him.

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    The rivalry with Francis I is highlighted when he sees a Frenchman win a tennis match, and he challenges him to a duel, which gets him arrested for assault.

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    Henry’s tyrannical commands make him try to force a McDonald’s to rename their burger to “The Royal Whopper,” and he throws a tantrum when they refuse, calling for a boycott that nobody joins.

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    The former jousting champion is now a washed-up athlete in a world of esports and Peloton, and this novel captures his pathetic desperation as he tries to challenge a teenager to a duel over a gaming chair, only to pull a hamstring. His glorified memories of tilting at the lists are cruelly contrasted with his inability to navigate a revolving door, and his pride takes a fatal blow when he discovers that jousting has been reduced to a Renaissance fair sideshow. Watching this once-fearsome warrior struggle to open a bag of crisps is the physical comedy that reminds us that time is the ultimate leveler of all kings.

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    Faith and religion are satirized when Henry gets baptized again in a trendy London river, hoping to cleanse himself of his sins and restart his career as a holy man, only to contract a terrible cold and blame God for punishing him. He starts a podcast called “The True Vicar of Christ” where he rants against the Pope, but his co-host is a cynical atheist who constantly fact-checks him and makes him look foolish. This theological comedy is surprisingly deep, revealing that his faith was always a weapon, and in a world where nobody believes in divine right, that weapon is completely useless.

    September 2, 2026 at 3:24 pm
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    The finale concludes with him finally accepting that he is just an old man in a strange world, and he adopts a cat that he names “Catherine” just to spite his ex-wives, and he spends his remaining days telling the cat about the good old days.

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